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Non-Gendered Restrooms Proposal

The revised proposal, shown after the break with minor edits, passed at the August 14 Ritual for Business. The revision did not result in making the restrooms gender neutral. This page is being kept here for those who might want to read the history of this issue in our community.

Revised Proposal
Why is this happening? The original proposal brought forward at June’s Ritual for Business stated, “Transgender and genderqueer people, as well as cisgender* people whose appearance does not conform to the stereotypical expectations of their gender, are often unable to use public restrooms without harassment, threat of violence or arrest, embarrassment and confrontation with others. In order to avoid these confrontations, which can happen in both men's and women's restrooms, many trans people and others avoid going into public restrooms entirely, which can lead to health problems. Gender-segregated restrooms also present problems for people with disabilities whose attendant is not of the same gender they are, and people caring for children who are not of the same gender.”

These reasons remain valid. However, a question was raised as to why we are addressing this issue here at Gaia Community. While it is true that we know of no one ever being harassed, embarrassed, or threatened in our restrooms, members of our congregation have encountered such in other venues, including one in a Unitarian Universalist congregation with the Welcoming designation. Additionally, one of the qualities of a Welcoming Congregation, according to the UUA, is that it “include[s] and address[es] the needs of b/g/l/t persons at every level of congregational life—in worship, in programs, in social occasions, and in rites of passage—welcoming not only their presence, but the gifts and particularities of their lives as well.” The issues encountered by transgender and genderqueer people in restrooms are under the umbrella of the needs of these people, as well as the “particularities of their lives.”

Finally, from listening to (or reading from) various members of our congregation, it becomes clear that the general belief in our congregation is that people should use the restroom in which they feel comfortable. Unfortunately, a new visitor, and more importantly, a potential visitor searching our website for information about us, has no way to know that this is our belief. Similar to how the words family-supportive environment in our mission covenant statement communicate that this is a pagan group where it’s okay to bring your kids, and how our official status as a welcoming congregation communicates that this is a church where LGBTQQIAA** people are welcome, an explicit statement, through action or words, will communicate that we meet in a venue where transgender and genderqueer folks will not be harassed.

Proposal: That Gaia Community adopt the following statement of intent which makes explicit the implicit agreement in our congregation that people should use the restroom that is right for them. This statement would be posted on the website, at the Greeter's Table, and the doors to the upstairs restrooms. Additionally, the Committee of the Whole requests that KidSpace include this statement in the curriculum and that the Membership Committee include it in the New Member Class.

A Statement of Intent:
“At Gaia Community, we support the right of all people to use the restroom in which they feel the most comfortable, regardless of other people’s perception of their gender. Members, friends, and visitors have the right to make their own determination of which restroom to use. Attempts to harass, threaten, or embarrass another person in the restroom for any reason will not be tolerated. If you encounter any harassment or embarrassment in the restroom, please tell any member (they wear wooden name tags).”

*Cisgender is a term coined to be the opposite of transgender. It allows discussions involving transgender people and those who are not to be conducted without using words like “normal” or “usual,” which can be demeaning.

**LGBTQQIAA = Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Allies

Please see the notes from the Town Hall Meeting on this page.

Original Proposal (no longer under consideration)

PURPOSE: To support our mission as a Welcoming Congregation by ensuring that every member and visitor has access to the restroom without embarrassment, threat, or confrontation.

THE ISSUE: Transgender and genderqueer people, as well as cisgender people whose appearance does not conform to the stereotypical expectations of their gender, are often unable to use public restrooms without harassment, threat of violence or arrest, embarrassment and confrontation with others. In order to avoid these confrontations, which can happen in both men's and women's restrooms, many trans people and others avoid going into public restrooms entirely, which can lead to health problems. Gender-segregated restrooms also present problems for people with disabilities whose attendant is not of the same gender they are, and people caring for children who are not of the same gender.

PROPOSAL: That Gaia Community declare the two upper-level restrooms gender-neutral space while we are using the building. This would be communicated by hanging signs over the existing Women and Men signs outside the upper level restrooms that indicate the bathroom as gender-neutral. These signs would also contain a brief statement about why we are doing this, and directions for people who wish to use gender-segregated restrooms to take the stairs or elevator down to the lower-level restrooms.

Avenues to Discuss the Proposal

  • On Tuesday, July 20th at 7 PM, the Queer Allies Discussion Group will host a town hall meeting at SMUUCh specifically to discuss this proposal.
  • The author of the proposal is Jamie Peters, who can be reached at jamie@gaiacommunity.org.
  • If you cannot attend the town hall meeting and do not wish to communicate with Jamie, please contact Amanda, who will make sure your concerns are heard.
  • This proposal will be brought forward at August's Ritual for Business on Saturday, August 14th at 9:30 AM at SMUUCh.
  • Amanda is the community's ombudsperson and part of her job is to listen to community concerns and bring them to Rituals for Business. She can be reached at vicepresident@gaiacommunity.org.
  • Our trustees-at-large, Cheryl, Cynthia, and Linda, are also entrusted with speaking for the community at Rituals for Business. Please see any Earth Healer for their contact information.

Further Reading

Notes from July 20th's Town Hall Meeting:
Attending: Rosemary, Jamie, Kit, Julia, Linda, Aubry, Amanda, Cheryl, Eric, Jody, Blake, Cynthia, David, John, Kimberly

(In general, italics indicates a voiced question or concern and regular type indicates an attempt to answer or address a question or concern. Not all concerns were addressed. The meeting was not a decision-making meeting. Thank you, Rosemary, for taking notes! -- Jamie)

QUESTIONS/CLARIFICATIONS:

There has never been an issue here at Gaia. We are already listed as a Welcoming Congregation. Why are we considering this? It's a step further in WC status & inclusivity.

When you say you want to turn the restrooms into gender-neutral. Is this a wording an emotional response, or a literal change? The current wording is that the upstairs restrooms will have signs stating that they are usable by all genders. The downstairs restrooms will remain gender-segregated.

If there has not been an issue, then why does this need to be done? We have a number of transgender, transitioning, and gender-neutral in this congregation who could be uncomfortable with the segregated restrooms. Also, one of our congregants has used a restroom at an 'official' Welcoming Congregation who has been harassed using the restroom they chose.

How can a urinal be gender-neutral? There are some people, regardless of identification or which parts they have, who can use a urinal.

We have children at different levels of literacy in their education. Gender-segregated restrooms have pictographs. How will that work with gender-neutral? There are a number of pictographs that can be used.

As far as signage is concerned and other modifications, where is the money coming from? Paper. Maybe lamination and hole punches. The cost should be under $1.00 and taken out of the business supplies line item on the budget. Should we someday want something more robust, the Queer Allies group may produce this as a Gift In Kind.

Because all of our rituals are public and we never know who is going to be here, will it become part of our standard opening? How do we intend to let “new” people know about this? We could put a sign on the Greeters' Table, and the basic signage.

A lot of the questions that are about labeling and such, and someone mentioned that we could just hang a sign that says “Family Restroom”. Would it be simpler and more familiar to use that wordage? The only potential problem seems to be that such restrooms are usually single-occupancy. However, this is a possibility, and the presence of stalls should preclude assumptions.

What are people doing now if they have an attendant/caregiver situation? With the children, it's whoever the teacher is goes with them and supervises or stands just outside the door for the older ones. For disabled adults, when the caregiver is of the incorrect gender, someone else is asked to assist. For personal issues, people have been doing what is most comfortable to them personally.

There is is a restroom by the ritualists' closet. Is it usable? It is usually in order, and it is unisex, but it is NOT handicapped-accessible or at all child-safe.

CONCERNS:

As a parent, I am concerned because my daughter using a restroom and some guy coming in and whipping it out, and then someone from school calling and saying, “Your daughter said she saw this at church!” We are also going to be having at least three Gaia kids going to one school next year.

We will be best served if we have a specific policy for this, as it could potentially happen now.
Other congregations are putting together sexual harassment policies. We might consider something like this as well, covering several issues in conjunction with our WC status.
However, it is impossible to come up with something for EVERY situation, particularly given the diversity of the congregation.
Only one restroom upstairs has an exposed bathroom facility. Anyone uncomfortable with seeing things or their children seeing things they shouldn't see, it is always possible to restrict oneself to the restroom that has exclusively secure facilities.

I am worried about the kids who are in toilet training who, if their parents prefer them to use the gender-segregated restrooms, have to make the run downstairs to “make it” to the restroom. Also, children of ALL ages are not permitted downstairs by themselves, and would have to secure an escort to use the restroom.

Bathrooms are available upstairs, but they would need to obtain permission or an escort to use the gender-neutral restrooms. Particularly potty-training children WILL have an adult with them. However, if the parent is set against the idea, going downstairs would still be too far.

This is an entirely emotional concern, but coming from a less-obvious member of the transgender community, I am concerned that people might be so uncomfortable with people choosing a gender, and that this may feel discriminatory and a little off-putting. With the current language, in order to de-segregate the gendered bathrooms, we are segregated others to the downstairs restrooms. Would people who don't feel comfortable using the unisex restroom now going to feel discriminated against?

Some of the kids here have some form of autism or other disability, and are guaranteed to talk about whatever experience they have in the neutral bathrooms will become a topic of public discussion. It could be problematic to get the church involved in custody issues and Social Services. Red flags are baaaaad, mm'kay?

An extension to public reaction, is the community prepared to address concerns that are raised with impropriety both within and without our community?

Are there people within or potential new members who will be uncomfortable with the proposal or give them cause to stay away from the community, preventing our growth?

I have a big concern with the privacy and security of both adults and children, as there are no locks on the urinals or the restrooms as a whole.

The urinals have partial walls blocking visual access to dangly bits, so things won't be RIGHT OUT there. Testing (several folks went into the upstairs men's room and tried to determine how easy it would be for a child or adult to see the genitalia of a person at the urinal --Jamie) shows that it takes great effort to get a glimpse of anything naughty at a urinal.

As a Welcoming Community, why can't we teach our adults and children to treat anyone in a particular restroom with respect?

No matter what decision we ultimately come to, education MUST be a part of what we do and how we relate to each other, including bathroom rules.

This entire discussion may become a moot point, as our lease may or may not allow us to do this. It is for use of specific rooms and facilities, and it may not be within our power to change the use of one of the common areas. This would require renegotiating the lease and presenting our proposal to SMUUCH's board.

Whether or not we are able to proceed, the discussion itself, whatever is decided, is valuable to us as a community in furthering our attempts and ideas to uphold equality.

Some of us do other things in the restroom than just going to the bathroom. We change our clothes, adjust makeup, etc. If they were to become unisex, women might not have the space/privacy to use them for auxiliary functions.

Men might not be willing to use the urinal if women could walk in at any time.

Visitors might not be comfortable with an unfamiliar system.

Aubry is considering drafting a counter-proposal with the goal of addressing/circumventing the concerns raised.